Our wrong understanding of rituals.

Next day of my marriage was surprisingly calm. the hectic and over the top marriages tend to drain you like a last drop of lemon. after a week of extremely stressing environment, suddenly all seemed peaceful. a bright sunny day in month of February is always a bliss in Northern part of India.

It was all true till i climbed down the stairs. There was no sign that marriage functions were over. all seemed busy. but busy doing what? i held my cousin. 'whats going on?' 'they are all coming to see the bride, what you call it? yeah right 'mu dikhayi'

The hell, one more unwanted event. haven't they all seen her on the reception stage or in the marriage? but that's how it was. i was relaxed as none of them wanted to see the groom, so i was off the hook. but i thought of her, poor girl, its like a never ending nightmare, suddenly leave home, leave parents, come to a completely stranger family, where you have no idea of what to do and what not and on top of it face all these unknown faces of gossip makers, commenting and judging her, a nightmare it is.

'How long this will go?' and answer was 'till the time people keep coming' Gosh. i wanted to peek in the hall room where all this drama was happening. And i did. Believe me it made me furious. there were four ladies, i didn't know single of them, and buaji, elder sister of my father, who was acting in charge of this drama, all sitting on sofa and there was she, not looking up at all, sitting on ground, on an old mat.

I was dumbstruck. This is how we were treating her? at least five more person could sit on those sofas, but she was made to sit on ground, in front of those bunch of neighbors, whom i don't even know of.

'what the hell is going on?' i almost shouted in front of my Mom, who was busy preparing snacks for those godlike aunties enjoying there divinity. she was the one who has said that we will treat her like our own daughter. she had no idea what i was talking about. 'why is she sitting on ground?' 'why are we behaving like a illiterate, uneducated culture less morons?' she understood now, and yes it was a big deal.

She went to the hall room running and came back. 'I cant say anything to your buaji' she said worried 'and also this is how it has been, bride has to sit on the ground. If i say anything it will be like insulting her, she is eldest.' she kept explaining me that she is helpless. but then she said something different altogether. 'i want you to go there and make her sit on sofa'

Now it was my turn to rush. i walked out there, pulled a single sofa near her. she was still not looking up. 'come sit here' i said. all eyes were on me. she looked up to me, i don't know if it was expression of doing something wrong or doing something right, but it was flavored with elements of surprise. but she didnt get up. she knew it was against our so called culture. but i was adamant. 'you don't have to sit on ground, now please come and sit here'

I walked out of the room leaving a pin drop silence and gazing eyes of my buaji. and also her, who was still watching me with her teary eyes. My Mom was waiting just near the door. 'yes, she is sitting on sofa now' and she smiled.

This is just an incident. In our culture there are lot many rules and rituals which symbolically deteriorate a person from being equal. we don't even notice them and follow with our eyes closed. Even girls who are going through all this, accept it saying 'this is how it is'. we talk about being well cultured, we boast how rich we as an Indian are in our values. but we all are blind and suffering from wrong understanding of rituals. Just because elders are saying, that doesn't make it right. One has to use their own conscious to make right or wrong out of it.

A small act towards equality is just a first step towards the fight against discrimination.