Yes, i am left handed !!

‘Hey, Are you left hander?’ she asked as if I have removed ‘and’ from ‘hander’ and just ‘left her’.  Her eyes were still stretched; I thought not to give an answer, which she already knew by seeing me write with my left hand, just to check if the eye balls fall from the skull, alas! It never happened and she shouted, ‘will you answer?’

‘What do you think? Am I such a huge fan of Saurav Ganguly (only left handed person which came to my mind at the moment) that being a right hander, I will write with my left hand?’

‘If at all any such time will come, that you will answer normally?’ she grinned just to find a single word answer ‘No’. Now you can understand why there have been lists of break-ups in my not so long life. Don’t worry; I am pretty much positive that the list will increase.

After a big long pause she said, ’you never told me about this before’ (see, it’s not me, it’s she who wants an increment in the list by one’. I just kept my mouth shut, just to avoid saying something stupid. ‘If you won’t explain this, you will find yourself sitting here alone’

Next moment I was sitting there alone, calmly, peacefully and with a great sense of harmony. (No no, not yet broke up, else I would have used prefixes like ultimate internal calm, heavenly peace and eternal harmony)

Coming to the point and the basic question ‘are you a left hander?’ have been an inseparable part of me, which, sometimes, frustrates me to hell, not literally though. It’s a lemon’s task, to ask the question and forget, just to ask it again when you see me using my left hand, pathetic.  It makes me a minority, a victim of the so called right hander’s world. From combing my hair left to right, to shaking hands with someone, unless he is a scout, everything I have to modify according to world’s undefined rule of using right hand. I have struggled to use ink pens as my hand moves after the pen making the ink spill (unless I am writing Urdu), I have struggled to button my shirt as the buttons are always in right side, I have struggled to eat lunch unless I am eating alone or sitting on the left corner of the bench. If you think these issues are over as a grownup then think again, cause, in the technically growing world, I have to use the mouse and the laptops, which are designed just to make life easy only for a guy who is right handed.

‘Sir would you like to have anything else’ a beautiful voice, with a beautiful smile was in front of me.

‘yes of course’ was an instant reply, then I realized if I sit here long, the one who left me, might come back and increase the total amount spent, so I just added, ‘check, please’ the beautiful smile turned into beautiful frown, why not? A frown also can be beautiful if it is saving you some bucks. Telepathy, I saw her coming back, here the waitress left and she was in front of me,

‘I am sorry’ she said, achievement I know, cheers to all the boys, ‘my boyfriend just said that left handed people use both sides of their brain and are more intelligent than others’ she added, treat to all left handed people and also to her boyfriend, wait a minute did she said boyfriend? I mean then why the hell I was paying the bill? ‘And I like Ganguly’ she added again, heights, heights, heights...

‘meanwhile can you please fill the feedback form’ the waitress came back, see this is problem with these high class restaurants, they make you work, I took out the pen and as soon as I completed writing my name, the girl who was not with me shouted, ‘Sir are you left hander?’.

The girl who was with me (of course the girl already having a boyfriend) gave a pity look to the waitress then turning towards me with a look as if saying ‘Please please don’t freak out’.

Here I was, listening both the girls, saying two hundred, eleven thousand and eighty seventh times

‘Yes, I am left hander’… 

watch out !!

6^th April, Friday, and here I was leaving office at 7:37, for a Friday it is considered to be late, let me know if you disagree, I will listen to you and will give a damn to it.

I saw another chap, like me, was running, rather I should say hopping towards me, in a possibly full speed, drenched fully in water like me, it was a frog, I am not saying that I look like a frog, frog looks better (I will say this if the question was asked by a female frog or a girl who loves a animal loving guy). If you are still thinking why the frog and myself were drenched, then don’t think we were shooting for a romantic song; it was because we were facing some serious weather changes due to some serious global warming effects. Oh yes! It was raining over here and I was not able to resist myself. No No, you got me wrong, I don’t like to get wet in rain but in comparison to staying in office I just had no other choice left.

Meanwhile I heard a loud voice of footsteps behind me, without even looking back I could guess that she was a girl, which boy will dare to wear high heels and above that which boy will dare to run wearing those high heels. I turned my neck almost 90 degrees to left, just to check If I had guessed it right and here it goes, a girl, high heels, tight blue jeans, professional black shirt, headphones in ears, purse on one shoulder, iPod in one hand and an umbrella in other, running, either because in some time umbrella is going to melt and all make-up will wash out or she is cousin of Cinderella and her time limit is over and she might turn into a beggar or something like that. Keep guessing.

For me there were more issues ahead, I realized the poor fellow (considering its size) and poor lady (considering her melting umbrella) are just going to run in to each other and that too just beside me. (I was always good in physics, especially the problems related to time, distance and speed) and the time left in this collision was only 2.3 seconds.

Tik tik one, tik tik two and boom…no wait, what happened? Was there a mistake in calculating the time? No, at the moment of 2.1 second they just saw each other.

Next moment, a 120 decibel loud sound came out of the mouth of lady, the frog must have scared her, I saw the frog, no it didn’t shout, must have gone into a shock. To avoid the collision and each other’s face they both jumped to their right. The frog ended in the waist length bushes situated across the path and the lady on me. Whoa, what a horrible day.

‘Are you ok?’ I asked while she was trying to remove her heels from my foot and hands from my shoulder. ‘See you scared the poor frog to hell, and it ended in the bushes’. She smiled and said, ‘you saved me’ If you think anything like this really happened then think again, because you are thinking it right, it happened for sure but with a slight difference, instead of jumping to their right, they both jumped to their left and I ended up saying,

‘Are you ok?’ I asked while I was able to see her legs out of the bushes. ‘See you scared the poor lady to hell and she ended in the bushes’ I said looking at the frog which was still sitting on my left shoe.  I thought of giving a hand to help her in coming out of bushes but was not able to control my laugh (which for obvious reasons would have offended her) after walking few steps I turned and saw her out of bushes and searching for the frog. Meanwhile I saw another lady running towards the point of accident, I just said to her, ‘watch out for the frog.... 

Person you are calling, is busy!!

‘Delayed’ was the word which was flashing in the fourth column, third row of the table which displays the flight status. Unfortunately I was here for the same flight which was listed in that third row. Now there was some time which I had to pass. I was already done with the newspapers and magazines which they provide free of cost. I was also done with a cup of coffee which they provide with too much of cost. Sometimes passing time can be like peeling a potato without having a knife, if you are allergic to potato, you can replace it with any other fruit or vegetable except banana (real smart huh?). This is going to be tough I thought.

Next moment I ended up looking at each and every person present at the lobby. All were struggling for the same reason as I was, passing time. I could not found any other way than top three, reading news paper (I am done), sleeping (out of question, I will surely miss the flight) and talking on phone (yeah yeah). I reached to my pocket and picked out my cell phone. Although I was going through the contact list but my mind was thinking about the different categories, to whom I can make calls.

Home, always available option for me, but looking at the time, waking up them in the middle of the night, will be selfishness from my side. They had already done the waking part when I was a kid, so I want them to trouble no more.

Friends, last time when I called them in midnight, the next night itself they called me and said tit for tat, you ruined our sleep and we ruined yours, hisaab barabar (now we are equal), idiots I can’t take chances of ruining my sleep after reaching back.

Girlfriend, good idea, but then I realize that I was in no mood to listen, ‘I knew you will miss me and you can’t wait much without talking to me’ you see I don’t want to create a misunderstanding, I just want to pass my time.

Ex-girlfriend, now a friend, this is too risky. She might take it as a patch-up incidence, oh my lord, even this thought is making me feel like somebody pouring cold water on me, in the month of January, that too in Lucknow, I shivered.

My eyes kept searching for a number in my phone book, to which I can make a call, and then I got stuck with one number, lying in there, untouched.  It was very familiar, perhaps the only number which I remember. I thought of calling that number but then I thought that I will just make a fool of myself. What if it rings? This thought gave me a ‘go’ signal. I pressed the green button just to hear a busy tone. Busy is it? How can it be busy? If you think of it in technical way, obviously, how can you call yourself and get a ring? But if you think as human, you realize that you are so busy that you don’t even have time to talk to yourself. I realized it. I have been searching the whole world to talk, but then I am not even talking to myself, not sharing my thoughts to my own senses. As someone said, it’s a race and all rats are running, not to win, just to follow, you are not a rat, you are human, follow your own self. Give time to yourself. Think what are the things which make you smile, what are things which make you sad, what are the things which actually makes you, you.

The fourth column, third row of the table was now flashing ‘Boarding’.

A vegetarian girlfriend !!

‘Plain omelet’ I said to the man standing on the other side of the counter.

‘I heard that, you going to eat egg, you killer, you told me you will never eat non-vegetarian food and here look at you, you are such a liar, such a heartless and coldblooded murderer’ the voice shouted from the other side of the phone, which was stuck between my ear and my shoulder as my both hands were busy searching my wallet for change of three rupees. See the inflation, a single omelet is costing me thirteen rupees, oh my god, how will a poor man like me will survive in this not so poor environment, ha ha, my soul laughed at my situation. Here I was worried about inflation, but the real, more bigger, heart throbbing issue was on the other side of the phone.

‘Will you speak now? What happened to the promise you made of not eating non-veg? Tell, tell now, no boy is worth of trust’ she was still shouting, first of all I don’t understand if these girls are always alone? I mean she is shouting like hell (I know I know hell doesn’t shout, people inside hell shout), is there nobody listening her, think of me shouting, whole cafeteria will turn towards me and some girls will gaze as if I am harassing their clan. Anyway, there was no way to escape,

‘Oh common yaar, I never promised such stupid things, I just said I will not eat when you are present, isn’t it? And It’s just an egg, that too a boiler egg, if you won’t eat it, still it will never gonna produce a hen so just don’t over react’ I tried my best to avoid any more conflict between us.

‘but you did it now, you are eating it in my presence, and don’t try to wash my brain with your stupid logics, there is no way I can trust you’ Well, I just came to know a new term called virtual presence of someone, so what if she is not present with me literally but she is there on phone, inst it enough? And truly speaking, it was not the first time that I was eating while talking to her, only difference today was I forgot to keep hand on the microphone of my cell while ordering the omelet, such an irresponsible act.

Thought of what to say next to her was making life tough, but thanks to her, she came with some new way of making my life tougher, ‘see you have crossed the limit of my tolerance, you have to decide it now, either you chose me or you choose to eat some innocent life’

Next moment I walked to the counter ‘please cancel my order of omelet’ the person looked at me with a hint of surprise because I was also giving him a fifty rupee note. ‘And make it chicken burger’

stay hungry, stay foolish

Three messages in the inbox, ‘congratulations, it’s your day today’, ‘hey man! Wish you a very happy Rama Navmi’ and the last but most important message ‘there is some job failures, please be there in office as earliest’

It was already 10:37 in my watch and the message time was around eight. Thanks to the production support job, I realized that there was no time to take bath, sorry lord, but I think it’s your birthday so instead of me, you should take a bath, not that I am saying that you don’t but to be safer side. I brushed, packed my bag, searched for something I can eat, stomach giving strange voices, found a pack of biscuits. Before I can put piece of it in my mouth I remembered mom told me not to eat anything today, but fruits (I just hate the concept of Vrata). Fruits will be the last thing which will be found in the so called compartment in which I live with one more creature who was still fast sleep.

I kicked him in frustration and he shouted, ‘what the…you crazy’

‘I am going to office, there are some job failures’ I said searching the door keys.

‘To hell with you man, you said we will got to temple today’

‘I made April fool of you, don’t forget today’s Fools day too’ I laughed and locked the door from outside. (If anyone worried of him, let me tell you that he has an extra key so he can open the door from inside, happy?)

In few minutes of drive I was in office, instead of directly going to the workstation I went to cafeteria.

‘Sorry sir, some maintains work going on’

Oh great, Oh God, is it you? I mean how can you punish a poor guy, just for not taking bath on your birthday? Too much…I went to my desk and checked the whole hell of inbox just to find nothing related to any job failure. My cell phone beeped, a message saying, ‘come back to cafeteria, we are waiting here’

Now it was all clear, I was a victim of the Fool's day, and culprit was none other than but my manager. I went back to cafeteria to find almost the whole team or you can say victims.

‘What man you came here and didn’t even saw us, we were sitting here only when you came’

‘I was too hungry to notice anything else’ I said smiling sheepishly.

‘So do you want to say anything about the trap?’ my manager asked laughing a loud.

I said ‘I was just following Steve Jobs’ and everyone went silent or may be curious enough not to laugh anymore.  I gave a relief to all those interrogative faces by just saying last four words of the speech made by Steve Jobs,
‘stay hungry, stay foolish’ !!