How bad I miss you !!

Sometimes there is nothing more you can do but just to let it go. It’s just an optimistic approach calling it ‘sometimes’. Realistic thoughts would replace it with ‘many times’. So, as a matter of fact, ‘many times’ there are things you just have to sit duck about it, physically of course, psychologically numerous things can be done, drown in grief, sulk till the bottle is empty, cry, weep, get depressed, avoid people, avoid doing anything and everything, just create a hell out of it and go to the same freaking hell. I could say OR be positive, get yourself busy, do things you like, listen to happy music, blah blah and more fucking blah…all bullshit, nothing works, if you already know why in the Gods name you are doing all those i-should-feel-happy stuff then what’s the use? You already know it.

I thought I would get over it. After all its been almost an year now and willingly or unwillingly I have accepted the fact that I would not get it back and it belongs to someone else now. Call me a coward, coward who could not stand for what he wanted, who just kept watching it go and did nothing about it. ‘Many times there is nothing you can do but let it go’ repeated to myself, ‘and sulk’ added just to feel worse.  

I get nightmares. I mean can you believe it after a year also I am getting nightmares of losing it, that too after losing it in real. Nightmares of seeing it with someone else, nightmares of it getting loved by someone else, I shut my eyes in those ugly dreams knowing that they are already shut, just to avoid the face of the one who is having authority to have it, to have it with him timelessly and also to avoid seeing it, cause every time I see it, even in my dreams, I feel the urge, the thirst to get it back.      

I realize it now. I should have pleaded in front of my parents, I should have begged to society, to spare it, to let it be with me, to allow me to hold its hand and never let it go, moments we have spend together, time we have lived together are unforgettable, i still feel it with me always, doing anything and everything, be it watching a movie, going on a drive, walking, eating, roaming, everywhere i miss you, i just keep thinking what if you were not with someone else, but me. I should have fought for you and for myself, I should have…

Today, when I am writing this, just to reduce some weight from my aching heart, I feel shoddier, no more peace to be found, no more relief to the pain. Just waiting and waiting from past one year to get used to of it, to get used to of the reality that it can never be my again. I want you to know its hurting, hurting real bad and i know that you know i am doing it to get you out of my mind, struggling to get you out of my heart, i know you belong to someone else... 

I love you, my bachelorhood.

Hindi movie scene !!

9 o clock and they all were here. Four mallus, same age same language and in same house, can be noisy like old Yamaha rx-100 with its silencer damaged. Sunday morning is already considered spoiled, if you wake up at 9. I looked at my other roommate who fortunately is a Tamilian, was already scratching his head and faking smiles. ‘four mallus’ I said to him, his fake smile turned into a genuine one.

Story is something like this. I live with two other fellas, one tamil and other being a maliyali. One of the friend of this mallu guy is getting engaged today so they all decided to come over, so the scene, basically it was get together of the groom and his three other friends for the event which was scheduled in the evening. Well being roommates of one of them we were also cordially invited. And this was the only reason we both were faking smiles to their annoying, loud, non understandable comments, conversations and over the top laughs. Or maybe I was just pissed off being not able to complete my sleep on a Sunday morning.

Almost whole day there was no change in the situation; headphone helped for some time but then how long eardrums can be beaten with extra decibels. Finally time came and they all got busy in finding matching socks and matching tie for their well stitched suit. My Tamil friend came over, ‘dude, suit?’ I smiled, ‘now days people wear suits in India also and you in US my friend’

‘but I don’t have any’

‘then why the hell I am here for, take mine, but then you have to compromise with some short sleeves and tight waist’ I winked.

And there we were, five good looking and one extra good looking gentlemen, not me, the groom. Venue was in Wheeling, it was grand, I mean if you see in other way, everything is grand in here. I would have called it grand if it was back there in India. But yes, it was nice, well decorated and well organized. I felt like I was visiting a auditorium where a big drama is going to be performed and the best part was that I was not even asked to buy a ticket.

I could see so many people around, mostly mallus, both the families were there, happy of course, people eating chatting and drinking. We were still there with the groom and only thing pending was the ring ceremony but the girl or I should say bride was not in yet.

Twenty minute passed. Thirty minutes passed. Forty minute passed. We were now sitting instead of standing, people were done eating and chatting, there were less faces with smiles, now they all wanted this to be finished. ‘its getting late’ was written on every face including ours.

Finally a lady came in, I was sure she was not the bride, must be one of her friend. She directly walked to us and said, ‘she wants to talk to you’ whoever heard, faces turned pale. This malyali engagement scene was really turning into a hindi movie scene. Before anyone could understand what was going on, the girl and groom were out of the sight.  Five minutes passed, ten minutes passed and just after it crossed seventeen minutes, we saw him coming out bride was walking with him. This time again the couple directly walked to us. She turned to me, ‘will you still be quite?’ I froze, what the…she was talking to me, the bride, in this grave and this threat like situation was asking me if I would still be quite? Quite? To hell with quite, I don’t even know her, I freaking don’t even know her name. I felt all eyes on me, including my roommate, inside my heart I pleaded, ‘oh greatest mallu god, please be merciful on this poor little hindi speaking soul’ I freaking hope that Maliyali Gods understand hindi or English for that matter.

‘I love you and I know you love me too’ she said and I skipped few beats, brain stopped, lungs struggled for air, eyes stoned, mouth felt drought, arms and legs felt quake, a complete weather extreme disaster. whole body said, ‘dude this is the best time to collapse and talk to the floor’

‘Manu, what is this all?’ this time it was groom. ‘Manu?’ I repeated. ‘Manu?...i am not Manu…I am…I am…I struggled to recollect my name but before that someone walked passed me, pushing me aside. 'Holy shi…Chicago….mind you Chicago is pronounced as ‘shicago’ so this replacement is valid. Soon I came back to senses and thanked my parents for not keeping my name ‘Manu’. I turned to my Tamil friend, 'what was name again?' he ignored, better scene was ahead.

Half of the crowed left the place. There were few close once left. Later I came to know that Manu wanted to sacrifice his love for his friend. I guess I have heard a similar story or rather I might have watched it, typical hindi movie or maybe malyali movie, but then they all are some or the other way inspired by some real life events.

Holy White Elephant !!

This time it was out an out fun, completely different experience in comparison to my previous trip to New Jersey in US. Those were the time; I was new to the route, to the process, to the situations, to the culture and of course to the country. Unlike it, this time trip to Chicago was pleasant, enjoyable.

I looked at the queue and then to my passport. A person, who never thought that he would have a passport, now was actually using it. Connecting flight was after an hour so it was no rush, I was moving with the flow passing smiles to all the passerby’s. That is the good thing. You pass smile or can say a ‘hi’ to anyone and everyone, they will return back the courtesy but beware, don’t even try this in India for obvious reasons.

I had specially requested for an aisle seat as learning from my last experience, I don’t want my fallow travelers to know how many time I went to lavatory. Both the seats beside me were empty till now. I was praying for the situation to be same as only one seat in economy classes are not enough to carry so many things such as laptop, its charger, mobile charger, a pillow, headphones and of course yourself. So an empty seat beside you can work as a shipper for other stuffs.  But as they say we live in a limited world, soon both of the seats were occupied and to make it worse, the lady beside me got a butt twice the size of the space available at the seat, I felt like sharing half of my butt…oops I mean seat.

Once settled, I plugged the headphone and started watching ‘conjuring’, you see with so many people around I could afford to watch some horror.

A tap on the shoulder and I froze, even missed few beats too. This is what happens when you get too involved in a horror movie. ‘Can you ask for wine?’ lady beside me asked. Of course what harm can a small bottle of wine do? I thought. Soon a beautiful air hostess passed by and I asked for a bottle of wine, she was generous enough to turn back and bring me one and I passed it to the lady right away, you see sometimes even the smell of it can attract you to try it. Within few minutes same air hostess was standing beside me, ‘yes mam?’ she asked to the competition-to-one-of-the-healthiest-cow-types lady, ‘a wine please’. I turned to her, she winked, holy cow. Two bottles of wine can do something if not much. What if she gets drunk and fell on me? What if she gets high and puts a hand on me? Will I get a fracture? Or will I get crushed to death? I was still staring to her giant white round spherical arm; it looked like a big white…a big white…mmm a big white I don’t know may be a big white trunk, yes trunk of an elephant, I can’t think of anything else and slowly I was able to see the elephant drinking wine from its trunk. Yes, perfect.

One two three four five six and seven, she drank seven bottle of wine in whole journey. Swear to Jesus only I know how I was able to resist the temptation to have one myself. God himself came and shouted in my ears, port-of-entry-port-of-entry-port-of-entry, and yes every time thrice. Thank you port-of-entry I mean Thank You God.

‘Welcome again sir’ the guy around the glass said and printed a stamp on my passport. That’s it? I asked myself. Just for this ‘welcome again’ I left seven bottles of wine, or I should say seven bottles of FREE wine? Holy white elephant, disappointed I walked out of the lobby and in baggage collection area found my luggage lying on the ground like a dead man on an Indian soil, one more time, holy white elephant.

I walked out of the building. ‘kahan jana hai sir?’ someone asked me in Hindi. Damn, I so look like and Indian, I thought. The man was a taxi driver and of course an Indian. Journey was already at end. So just to make the climax exiting I asked the cab driver, ‘How much?’ and with his reply once again I got a chance to remember the fat butt lady as I shouted, ‘holy white elephant’…  

Think before you ask for reservation..

He was sitting on a dirty piece of cloth surrounded be many other similar people, mostly wearing whites. I slowly walked to him and sat beside him. He smiled seeing me there. I smiled back, after all he was my friend and he insisted me to come and join them in their assembly to protest against the government to get reservation for their clan. Truly speaking i myself is against these reservations but after thousands of logical explanations of the harms it is causing to the society i was unable to convince him and here i was sitting beside him.

There were many leaders of their clan sitting on a big stage and many were sitting on comfortable sofas near the stage, which was unlike us who were just given a sheet which was full of dust and footprints of those who were already on the sofas. One by one they were coming to the dice and speaking something to provoke the crowd, in words of my friend they were trying to motivate the crowd. I tried to listen the motivation.

‘Are we dogs? Every time we ask for reservation we are shooed by those who are already enjoying the reservation. They think we only bark, but now it is time to bite. But that does not mean we are dogs, we are...we are...’ i guess he forgot what he is, i laughed but controlled myself, there were too many of them getting inspiration from the dog talk.

‘we are wolves and it is time that we get what we deserve and we can go to any extent in order to get it. Are you ready?’ he shouted from the stage and when i heard the response, it was clear that this peaceful protest can anytime turn violent and these wolves are either going to kill or going to get killed. I turned to my friend who was still shouting, ‘let’s get out of here, it’s not safe’ i told him but he was busy playing dogs and wolves. ‘i am out of here’ i said and walked towards the exit. Before i could reach the safe zone, police was already in action and scene turned into a war zone. People shouting, running, falling and again running.

I came to the main road and was out of the action scene. Later when i called my friend the voice from the other side gave me address of a hospital. I reached there and was waiting outside the room where he was getting treated. In few minutes a nurse came out and started laughing as soon as she was out of the door. Weird! I thought. ‘Can i meet him?’ i asked. ‘yes of course, but don’t laugh in front of him, just come out like me’ she said laughing louder. I left her laughing and moved in. I saw a doctor wearing a mask signalled me beyond the curtain, but his eyes were clearly laughing. ‘What is the matter with these guys’ i thought.  

I moved the curtain. He was there lying on a bed face down. He was naked below waist and there was a big horizontal black and blue mark on his bum, which was clearly result of police stick and was making a big ‘plus’ with the other natural line of course. I smiled (actually i controlled my laugh). Before i could say anything he looked at me, ‘I am fine’ ‘of course you are’ ‘only thing doctor said not to fart for few days, how in the name of god it’s possible, idiotic isn’t it’ he said with an angry face. ‘Reservation you know, you will find more of them in future’ i slowly said. He went quite. ‘How does it look?’ he asked after a pause. I thought for a while and then said, ‘POSITIVE’ i heard the doctor laugh on this, i joined. ‘At least a doctor should be serious in his profession’ he said. I heard more laughter.

Time Machine !!

‘Don’t slide from it’. I told myself in spite of knowing myself that I won’t listen. I slid and ended up showing my white underwear to entire class. ‘Don’t sit without watching the chair’ but failed again. I again ended up turning the white underwear into blue by the ink which was there on the chair. This time I was not able to control my smile. I slowly stood up and walked towards myself and took me into a corner and said, ‘who are you? And how did you know what was going happen?’ I knew I was smart from childhood; I smiled again and explained what exactly was going on there.

‘You see I am you but twenty five year older than you. We invented a machine through which I can travel back in the past. So I did the same and here I am. So it is well understandable that I would know what happened to me when I was in school. So I knew what is going to happen with you because you are me when I was in school. Are you getting?’ the younger me was still not able to believe me. I knew relativity was a subject only in graduation and I was trying to explain that to a ten year boy.   

‘Okay you will believe me, just remember answer is 1869’

Younger me came running back to me and said, ‘mam asked me birth year of Mahatma Gandhi, I got it right, thanks to you’ I smiled, I remember I didn’t knew the answer and I had to write it hundred times in my homework book. ‘So will I get that beard when I will grow up? And these nice cloths and this costly watch?’ ‘Well, Yes’ and please take a good care of your hair and teeth. See how I am suffering for your carelessness. But believe me these all things are worthless and nothing in comparison to what you are going through. Enjoy every moment of school and college life as once gone this time will never come again and these cloths and costly watch will never give the happiness which you feel now. ‘I am not happy’ younger me shouted back. And I could do nothing but laugh. ‘Well, ask me. After all we are not different’ I replied. 

I opened my eyes. It was a dream. Here I was at my desk with open journal.

“I have seen movies and articles and many more predictions on a time machine. The question always is whether or not we will be able to build one. I don’t know why this question when we already know the answer and the answer for which is ‘No’. A fair logic can be given to it.

Let’s just assume in future we will be able to create one time machine. Once created, in future people will start using it to come back to the past and meet their families, so the time machine will come to the past and not just only one but looking at the population, many. Once its in past they can get the technology and or use the same Time machine to visit their ancestors in further past.

Now the question is, has anyone met anyone from the future? Answer is ‘No’ that simply means in future there will be no such thing called time machine, invented. “

I closed the journal. There were list of arguments and logics that can be written opposing the idea of time machine. But I was in no mood to write it further. In heart, I myself wanted it to be a success irrespective of what my brain suggests. Just think how adventurous it will be to go back in the past and meet myself when I was a kid and then there will be list of advices and decisions which I could give to myself to change the wrongs I did in my past.

Pain Killer

For long pain killers have been a subject for research. These medicines work by suppressing the active part of brain which let us feel pain. But as the amount of medicine is increased slowly brain starts responding to it in different ways it can be in terms of affecting ones thought processing, brain behavior and psychological mannerism, people have also complained having hallucination. Recently I came to know that various researches are going on to make these medicines side effect free. As I am a curious child I found a link through one of my old doctor friend and got a permission to visit one such experiment.

I visited a medical research institute where a group of scientists were conducting an experiment on the same. As a part of non-disclosure contract, because such experiments on humans can be categorized as inhuman and Indian law along with human rights organizations does not permit experiments on man, I was not allowed here to name the institute but finding a loop hole in the agreement I am free to document the events and the procedure of the experiment.

Doctors involved in this experiment are highly confidential about the people used as subjects. In all I could find that there were three person on whom the tests were going on. A hushed voice told me that these men are criminals, one of them a serial killer and other two rapists. I guess this kind of selection is because it will reduce the guilt of going to an extreme level of testing on them.

In paper it was a simple paragraph stating what exactly they need to do. All three of them were kept in different closed chambers and were given a healthy diet at regular intervals. There oxygen intake, heartbeat rate, blood pressure and brain activity were continuously monitored through different instruments which were attached to their bodies through various channels and fibers. Front wall of the chamber was made of glass so that they can be watched. I was allowed to stay in the corridor from where I could see the glass clearly. But I could not see any of them as the chamber was kept in complete dark. They said this new medicine gives desired result only in absence of light. The dose of medicine was given daily twice and each day the amount of drug was increased by 10% concentration. Once the medicine was given they were asked questions in order to know the effect. This is what the experiment was to check the maximum amount of the medicine which does not affect the brain.  

When I reached there, fifteen days of the experiment was already over from the overall schedule of three months. I used to be there only at the time of questioning session to know their experiences. Five days were passed and there was nothing weird, I could hear them saying, ‘when I will be getting out of here’ or ‘yes, your medicine is working, I feel nothing weird’ or ‘I still feel the pain you idiots’ or similar kind of statements coming from the room. I was not able to see them but behavior felt normal. Till now the medicine was working as they wanted. ‘Increase the dose by 25% tomorrow’ I heard the doctor saying to the assistant’.

It was twenty first day of the experiment and we all were curious as the dose concentration was increased. ‘I feel good’ was the reply from the murderer. There was no reply from the second chamber there was just tapping of foot and humming of an unknown song. From the third chamber reply was like previous, ‘when will I get out from here’. But nothing was weird. Next day it was similar and replies were same. Each day there was increase of 25% concentration. ‘Can I have more?’ the murderer asked while questioning. We felt he was chewing something.

‘What do you want more?’ one of the doctors asked him.

‘Medicine’ he replied still chewing something.

‘What are you eating?’

‘Nothing’ and then there was no reply from him. He didn’t reply any of the questions after. The monitor showed everything normal no increase or decrease in blood pressure. We all moved to second chamber.

‘How are you today?’

‘I am fine, just bit hungry’

‘But you just now had food’

‘Its not enough’ then again he started humming the same song.

Third one was still the same.

‘Come to the front so we can see you’

‘No, first promise me you will take me out’

‘Ok’

‘No, I won’t come, go away’

We heard him walking at the end of the room. It was weird for all of us why he refused to come in front of us. 

Next day all three of them were asked to come to the glass wall but none of them agreed to it. The instruments were showing normal readings for all three. But the first one always kept chewing something and second one kept humming and tapping his foot. Now for two days there was no sound coming from the third chamber.  All the doctors were worried of the third subject.

‘Ok you can come out, you are free’ one of the doctor said to the third subject. There was no sound.

‘Don’t you want to go home?’ he asked again. With a long pause a slow voice said ‘no’. We all were surprised. Before he could ask him more, there was a loud screaming from the second cell. We could feel he was running from wall to wall and screaming. We turned to the instruments, blood pressure was shooting high, heart pumping rapidly but the brain was showing no activity. And within few minute it all went silent. All measures normal again.

They noted the concentration and decide not to give him tomorrow. No change for other two.

Next day, the first subject did not reply anything, just kept chewing something. Second subject was briskly walking from wall to wall beating his foot, but there was no humming of song now. There was no sound from the third subject. Only change they felt was increase in oxygen intake and rise in blood pressure. After 29 days they decided to take the second subject out. Lights outside were made dim so that sudden light should not harm his eyes. Two security guys were sent inside the compartment to bring him out and they came out almost running. One of them started vomiting and other without saying something ran out of the room. Looking at the situation it was decided to light the cell a bit to see the situation. A ten watt bulb was lit and the scene was horrifying.

The subject was completely naked. He had broke chunks of cement from the wall and had cut his skin from everywhere on his body. His thigh was missing flesh and those flesh chunks were lying here and there on the ground. His intestine was hanging from his stomach and those chunks of cements were put there in his stomach. He was still walking from wall to wall. There was no flesh left under his feet because of walking.

Looking at the condition doctors decided to inject him with anesthesia and operate his injuries. To surprise any dose of anesthesia didn’t work on him. More guards were called and finally he was tied up on an operation bed and was operated to keep back his intestine back in his stomach. Unfortunately he died in mid operation. We came to know that not a single sigh of pain came from his mouth may be because he has broken his vocal cord while screaming and was unable to speak anything.

This was shocking enough for the panel to decide and bring out other two too. Another team of security guards were called as none of the member of previous team was ready to go inside. We all were in front of the third cell and like yesterday there was no sound coming from it. A dim light was lit and within no time subject started screaming to switch it off. His situation was no different from the person who was dead. But in this case he seemed more violent. The security people were struggling to control. And started hitting him with their sticks. We could hear him laughing and screaming ‘more’ ‘more’. One of the guard took out his rifle to threaten him but instead he snatched the rifle and shot himself in his chest and kept laughing till his heart stopped beating. There was smile on his face after he was dead.

As both of the subjects were dead, the team of doctor decided to take the third subject out immediately. Third subject, the murderer was in worst condition of all, still chewing his own flesh. One of his leg and a hand was completely out of flesh and we could see the bones peeping out of it. There was a big cut on his side chest from where the ribs were visible and he kept peeling the skin from it and putting it in his mouth. Only surprising thing was that he was not at all violent but was sitting in the corner calmly.

As he was brought out of the cell, he kept asking if he would get more medicine. Once he was on the operation bed so that his wounds could be sealed, he started smiling like other two. As the anesthesia was not working on any of them, one of the doctors started cutting the hanging flesh. Seeing him smile another doctor asked, ‘why are you smiling?’

 Ignoring his question he turned to the first doctor and said smiling, ‘keep cutting…’

‘Food security Bill’ or ‘Vote security Bill’

Recently this Bill passed in Monsoon session has created a lot of fuss in and out of the parliament. Media has named it Vote Security Bill and the opposition has not really opposed it as they are not the one who is going to risk their own quota of the votes. Ultimately it’s all a part of politics, call it dirty or healthy our leaders or should call them politicians, have sweared on politicizing everything, literally.

Half of the people who are opposing or who are supporting it do not even know what exactly this Bill is about. Their behavior is like a sheep in herd and they just follow the herd. So what is this Bill?

“As per the provisions of the bill, beneficiaries would get rice at 3 rs/kg, wheat at 2 rs/kg, and coarse grains at 1 rs/kg. These rates would be valid for three years. Every pregnant woman and lactating mother would get free meal during pregnancy till six months after child birth. They will also get a maternity benefit of 6,000 rs in installments. Children up to 14 years would get free meals. In case of non-supply of food grains, states will have to pay food security allowance to beneficiaries.”

Now who are these beneficiaries no one knows yet. I heard that Government is starting a survey to identify them. Here one noticeable thing is there are already schemes which are providing really cheap food grains to people who are below Poverty line. There are already mid-day meals for children country wide. And already free check-ups and medicines for pregnant women. So what extra benefit this Bill is going to provide? Now they say, number of beneficiaries will be much higher. Bravo…

‘There is no free lunch’ was a saying till now and I am sure our government is hell bent on proving it wrong. You want to see where is the free lunch? Please come and visit India. India, at one point of time one of the fastest growing economy has imposed a great amount of risk on its already sinking economy, by providing free lunch. Why? What a stupid word is this ‘why?’, of course to lure the people who really vote.

Now question arises how it will be done? I am not really a economist but I know how a simple give and take works. But first we have to identify who is the giver and who is the taker. Giver is for sure the Government treasury, which we all know is filled by the tax payer’s money, I will come to it. Takers are the poor of this country, which happens to be 32.7% of the population i.e. approximately 400 millions of people, but in this case as the beneficiary limit is greater than that as per the Bill, which consists of farmers, daily wage earners and also people who does nothing.

Now the government will buy food grains from farmers, with higher payment (prices are shooting already) and then they will give back the same grains to them with negligible prices, also to them who do nothing or work on daily basis. Think of the effect, why do you think the daily earners will work anymore? They already got what they work for. Why do you think a person who does nothing, will do anything if he gets already what he would earn. Living in this country and doing nothing has become a bliss for them, now they just need to Vote and keep doing nothing.

Who is at loss? Government? Government is just a body who manages the country (ideally) by regulating money, collecting taxes and using that money in infrastructure, defense and welfare of the citizen. So the Money which government has is from salaried employees, businessmen, companies, organizations who are paying taxes. In short its people’s money which Government is using to pay and buy food for poor.

So what’s the outcome? Indirectly half of the working people are spending their hard earn money to feed the other half. On the same lines I read somewhere -

“Just think what will happen when the one half gets the idea that they do not have to work because the other half is going to take care of them and when the other half gets an idea that it does no good to work because somebody else is going to get what they work for. Well, it is when it is beginning of the end of an economy.”

 Only motive behind this Bill, according to Government, is to remove poverty which we don’t see is working and looking at the amount of corruption it is less likely that even half of the people who belong to this beneficiary list will even know about it and like other welfare schemes this will also end up filling political pockets. 

 Well, statement still has question marks ‘Food security Bill’ or ‘Vote security Bill’???

Ganpati Bappa Morya !!

Living in Mumbai there are something’s one has to learn. One of them is celebrating Ganesh Chaturthi. I am not saying that we have to learn to celebrate or learn to enjoy the festival which was once a symbol of unity. We have to learn how to tolerate the abuse in the name of almighty lord. The festival which was started in a small temple in Pune by respected Bal Gangadhar Tilak to unite all Indians against colonial rule of England now has turned his face. Good turns to Evil at some point of time and this is turning to be an example of it, good turning evil.

One would be thinking that I am talking about the pollution it causes to the city be it polluting the ocean, polluting the air or crossing the decibel limits with party songs creating an huge amount of noise pollution. These are just the tip of the iceberg. Real evil is the pollution of minds and pollution of behavior to an extent where some of them start treating themselves as the agent of God himself.

If you live in Mumbai, Pune or any city of the Maharashtra, you will know what I am talking about. Collecting money has become a fashion, if not a requirement. Few receipts can make your life miserable if you are fond of bargaining, especially if you are not a Marathi speaking cast. Yes, I would call it a cast, because behavior is similar i.e. hate other casts and they are no different.

One of the incidences will prove what I want to say here. It was Sunday morning and bunch of people rang the door bell asking for some donation for the Ganesh Chaturthi which they were going to setup just outside the colony. ‘But we have already donated to the people who came yesterday’ the guy said from the house.

‘That was for your colony, this is for the area’

At first it was too much for the guy but then if there are bunch of goons standing on your door, who would like to argue. He just went inside, came out and gave them a hundred rupee note.

‘Do we look like a beggar to you? You will spend thousands for your comforts, but when it comes for God you will shy away. You non-Marathi’s come here and then disrespect our God. We won’t take less than five hundred.’

What option is left? Can you take a stand against this? We all know where this money goes; surely not a penny from it is spent for a good cause. The soon you refuse to give those five hundreds. You are the one disrespecting THEIR God, which was supposed to be yours too. You are in front of a gang of goons, shouting, abusing and threatening to you and your family. All others around will come and start blaming you for not respecting the God and for creating a scene just for few rupees, so much that you start thinking about leaving the place and settle somewhere else. Is it just few rupees? And moreover is it a matter of money? Doesn’t a donation is something which a man does with his own will? If not, why it is even called a donation? Call it a ransom, call it a threat.

It so much threat that women and girls avoid crossing the mandap alone, huge amount of money is collected for a special queue which will take you to the idol faster, higher the money nearer you can reach the god. Donate a gold crown and you will be made to sit in the lap of the God. This is how it works now.

A beautiful event and a respectful festival, is slowly losing its value, its charm and its dignity. But then as it is said no Good can be good forever, slowly, eventually it turns to Evil.
In the end Ganpati bappa morya (oh Ganpati ! My Lord)!! all you already know …  

this Independence Day..

Like all others who are not in school or college, for me too it was a holiday. For years now Independence Day has become only an opportunity to drop some messages to our dear ones, suddenly we all start loving, of course just for a day, those three colours. 

Sixty seven year has passed celebrating it and i am sure many more years we will be celebrating it. I have seen many intellectual and well educated people complaining about it, not the celebration but the situation. They say people screaming and shouting about independence are just living in fairy tale, they are just one day wonders and in reality they are totally unaware of the current grave situation through which our country is passing. They think wearing tri colours, putting small plastic flags on their scooter, decorating their shops with white, green and orange coloured balloons will not make a difference in the economy.

It would not happen that suddenly all the corruption from India will vanish, all black money from Swiss banks will get deposited to RBI and all the politicians who for a day, today are sitting on a stage watching small children dancing on some patriotic song, will suddenly start thinking about how to raise the standard of living in India and will start treating everyone equally irrespective of their cast, religion, statehood. No, its not going to happen. I am in agreement of those intellectual individuals who think just by celebrating a day; it is not going to make any deference apart from some alert issued by our intelligence agencies regarding possibilities of terror attacks.

But this agreement is just partial, because there is a complete different side of it. Its called unity. For years now i have been at different places on Independence Day but when you see the spirit of people on this particular day, its no different. There is a sense of pride in everyone of them, from a person pulling a cart to an auto driver, for a day, they all connect to each other by those tri colours. I have seen people telling their children to respect the flag and not to put it on the ground. All these incidences create a love towards their country. For a day they all feel an Indian-ness into them, they forget that they are Marathi, Kannadiga, Tamil, Gujrati, Punjabi, Bengali, Kashmiri or of any other statehood, they become Indians.

A day will come when everyone will understand the vote politics, they will know who is using them to get benefit out of it to fill their own bank accounts, they will know that reservation if getting should be based on financial conditions not on account of religion and casts, they will know that a person who talks most about the secularism is the most communal, they will know that the most secular is one who not even thinks about religion, he thinks only about humanity. There will be one day, when every day we will celebrate like Independence Day. There will be one day when all will know that progress is only in peace and it will make difference only when we take everyone together. Unity is what we need; division will always lead to weakness.

So this Independence Day lets we all treat all Indians as Indians and feel pride. Wish you all a very happy Sixty Seventh Independence day.  

She !!

She kept weeping, so much that her body has started struggling for each gasp. Each breath was as if hiccups have increased its extent. Lady Constable was constantly trying to comfort her by rubbing her back and offering glass of water.

‘This is too much sir, we must file this complain and take those animals to court’ constable said to inspector who was stationed in front of her, staring at her burned hand and cursing the fate of this poor woman. Society is still not grown up. They still treat women as if they are their own possession. Beating their wife is still a matter of manhood for those who are not able to digest their equality.

‘I thought they would realize, my care for them will change them one day, but today when they tried to burn me alive. I was left with no other choice but to come here with my plea’ she said controlling her tears. ‘I have done all to save my marriage. Today, with no reason at all they all just shot on me, first my husband kicked me and punched me while my father-in-law was shouting from the corner of the room and suddenly my mother-in-law came with a burning stick and kerosene and tried to burn me alive, it was then I ran out of the house and came here.’ She said and again started crying.

One of the constables was busy scribbling the story on a paper. Once he was done he came to the lady. She took the paper and signed it without even reading it.

‘Let’s get them here’ The Inspector signaled other constables and next moment they left for the address given by the lady.

It was quiet in the police station; only evident sound was sobs of the lady. There were few people gathered outside the gate to know more about the case, some of them were media staff as they knew they were going to get something to fill in tomorrow’s newspaper.

They saw the jeep coming back, this time with extra three members. They all were almost dragged inside the station, mother crying loudly, father horrified. They all were pushed in the corner. Inspector stood in front of them observing. He could see burn marks on her mother-in-law, also bleeding forehead of her husband.

‘What do you think, you are?’ shouted the inspector, holding the collar of her husband. ‘Sir, whatever she was saying, is a lie.’ Gulping his own saliva, her husband started,’ Sir, It’s her who want a separate life. It’s her who wants my parents to leave the house. It’s her…’ It all went silent, a huge slap, tearing his skin to bleed was enough to make everything silent. I drop of tear rolled out of his red turned eye.

Inspector turned to the lady constable, gesturing her to take the woman to her home. She stood up and started to the door. All three of them were watching her leave and then from the corner of eye she saw her husband. As soon as their eyes met, she winked…

Another tear rolled out of his eyes. Only good thing which happened today was that he was able to save her mother from the fire.

Just a small way..

‘Great, that would be really good. In fact i was about ask your father to tell you to come home for a week. It has been long that we have kept them waiting.’ My mother said trying to control her excitement. This was the reaction when i said i was planning to come home for few days, as i had some leaves and work was moderate, so was best time to come home. But now with her this statement i started giving a second thought on my travel.

I have been avoiding all this for long now. Its the age, which is to be blamed. My mother thinks its being late for me to get married now. She has already started the process of searching a suitable girl for me and has selected and rejected few of them on her level. And finally there were two of them who were, according to her, good enough for me to meet. As if i was the prime minister of India and i had to decide either i want to sign a defence agreement with US or Russia. I know i know defence agreement is department of defence ministry and president and not prime minister, it was just to explain the situation.

Anyway now real problem was ahead. I wanted to go home but not with this condition of meeting some girl. ‘what should i do now?’ i asked particularly no one, and that no one replied nothing, strange, isn’t it? There was no one to help or to provide some solution for this grave issue. I tried explaining the situation to many of my friends and almost all of them laughed on it and said what’s harm in meeting them and yes all of them asked to let them know what happened over there. One of them even said, when you meet the girl take a picture from your cell phone like shahid kapoor takes in movie vivah, ha...i don’t know whether to laugh on this or cry on the movie. Movies have become too unrealistic now days.

I took the printout in my hand, staring it, one thing was sure that i was going home and that too in next four days. I was yet to find a way to avoid meeting any girl. I thought, thought and thought about it. Next three days just kept thinking. And yes there it was, a solution and a perfect one.

I was standing in front of my home, smiling on the brilliant idea that came out of my own processor. Controlling my smile i pressed the doorbell. She opened the door and her jaw dropped, here i was head shaved. ‘too hot isn’t it?’ i asked and winked. She was still standing on the door, mouth opened.

Mumbai !!

It has been more than two years now I have left the place, but it seems that it was just yesterday I was traveling in an overcrowded BEST bus struggling to get to the door, pushing everyone aside while my stop arrives, many a times I had missed the stop and had to get down at the next one and walk back.

It’s not that I was born and brought up in Mumbai, but yes I have been visiting it every year for my whole life, it was called Bombay back then. And when I joined college here, the city took me as if I was never an outsider; I was treated as its own. All those years of college and then a year of job made me a mumbaikar by heart and whenever I got a chance I travelled to the city.

But now, sitting in New Jersey, when someone asked today if I would like to settle down in Mumbai, my answer was ‘I don’t know’. I never thought of it. Heart was always in dilemma, whether I liked the city or I did not. Once a mumbaikar, always a mumbaikar, I used to hear this a lot in Mumbai. May be dilemma was the result of this saying.

The city definitely is different from others. It has its own aura. As soon as you enter the city, you can feel a blow of hot wind; your lungs will tell you that you started inhaling air which is heavier than outside the city air. It is so damn humid that your skin becomes advertisement of fevistick, extremely sticky. If you have never been to Mumbai, it will be difficult for you to believe this, but yes there is a particular smell of the air. Only place where the air itself has its own smell. A true mumbaikar can always identify the smell. Good or bad depends on many things, like how late you are for your office or how long you are stuck in the traffic while going back home or how you have run through a red signal and no traffic police has caught you.

I always wondered why my friends looked darker in the pictures they posted from the Gateway of India. But then I got to know the reason, they travelled on bike and the complexion was just a layer of carbon.  But then you are at Gateway so it doesn’t matter how much carbon is on your face and how much in your lungs.  You forget all those as soon as a huge waves from the sea hits the wall, you just feel like heaven. A ride on ferry to elephanta, especially if you are on the open deck, anyone hardly forgets.

One of my friends recently visited Girgaon Chawpaty with her husband and was telling about the romantic water fight between them. I was not able to control my laugh and said I have seen people pissing, vomiting and spitting on the same Girgaon chawpaty and not even that, every morning, nearby people use it as free public toilet. She said I will call you later, going for a bath. Well, so it happens.

You can see people running to get in the local train before the train has even hit the platform, so that they can get a window seat and catch up on their sleep. You can always hear lot of people shouting the same thing when the train stops, ‘let the people get down first’. A human wave gets out and other human wave gets in. leaving few inside, who wanted to get out and leaving few outside who wanted to get in. God forbid if you are traveling in peak hours, trains are so packed that your legs are not properly on ground, but you still find yourself standing, you feel someone trying to pick out your wallet but you cannot even move your ass to avoid it. But still millions of people board it and they don’t even complain about it. They say, if you have survived in Mumbai local trains, you can survive anywhere, I believe it.

From a sweating panipuriwala, whose sweat is an integral part of the panipuri, to a millionaire in an AC luxurious car, all you can find on the same signal. And surprisingly there would be more who will know the panipuriwala by his name, maybe the millionaire too. This is how it works. All are accepted, all are accumulated, like sugar in milk. But then if you look closely, none of them are selfless. They all are driven only by one thing, Money.

I am not saying that outside Mumbai people do not get driven by Money, they do, but in Mumbai it’s different. Money has taken place of God, highest priority in their life. An average Mumbaikar has stopped thinking beyond Money. Their only thought is how to earn money, more and more, and in the process they are slowly forgetting how to live. They are running so fast that they forgot they have left something behind, themselves.

Mumbai, in spite of its lack of emotions, its mechanical life, its money mindedness, its huge gap between poverty and luxury, its overcrowded population, its dangerously increasing temperature and pollution and many more its….I still find it attractive, and whenever someone asks about it, I say, ‘there is something about Mumbai…’