make me...back !!

          11:54 at night, walking on the empty street, no street lights, thanks to power cuts. These software companies don’t give you much time for yourself. If there is work then you have no other choice but to work. I wished I could have got a government job instead. At least I could have left office at 6.  I remembered in my office too, people left at 6 but they are not males they are females. Being a boy we have very less choices but to work. Girls are good, I thought, if you want you can work else simply sit at home learn making food and cleaning the house, that’s it. Neither they have to search for good guys, as guys themselves are in line for those girls. What else they need? Money? For that boyfriend is there to take care of it. You can leave office early and you can come late too in the morning, saying family issues. Boys don’t have choices, “do they?” I simply asked to a beggar sitting in the corner of a closed shop. He was a bit strange but replied immediately, ‘you are not happy being a boy. Are not you?’ I stopped, ‘its not that I am unhappy, it’s like they got special privileges. Reservation in buses and trains, special treatment in office and society. So they simply enjoy all those advantages. Don’t you think?’

‘What if you become a girl?’

‘What rubbish’

‘For few days…say 10 days’

I laughed at it and said, ‘I don’t mind, but for that I have to consult some doctor to change my gender.’

‘No need of it, meet me after 10 days. Good night’

What a stupid guy, I thought and started walking. Definitely he has some mental illness.

Again on the same dark and empty street, I was alone, walking. Finally I was in the compound of my building. My phone started ringing. I looked on the screen; the name flashing was Anu, Anurag Sharma full name. I don’t know why her parents thought of this name Anurag. Yes, he is not he, she is she. So better to call her Anu, feels like girl. I picked up the phone.

‘Hello’

‘Hey hi, reached home?’

‘No’

‘Oh poor guy’ she said laughing.

‘Very funny’

‘Guess what, I got promoted’

‘What? Again? Last month also you got promotion’

‘Yes, my boss is bit happy with my work’

‘Are you sure it’s the work or something else he is happy with?’

‘Jealous’

‘Bullshit’

‘Don’t tell me you don’t care if my boss likes me’

‘I don’t care’

‘You sure you don’t care?’

‘I don’t’

‘Go to hell’

‘Ok’

‘Remember I am angry with you’

‘I don’t care again’

‘Think again, you will have to pay for it’

‘I don’t care, thrice’

‘I am disconnecting the phone; don’t ever dare to call me’

‘Ok ok, listen…’ but before I can continue, the phone got cut. Now she will expect me to call back and like a typical boyfriend to say sorry and do some romantic crap talk, then only she will think of not getting angry and talk normally. I am not saying I am her boyfriend but some relations when goes too close you never know. So you can’t identify if she is your girlfriend or a friend who is too close to not be called a friend. Confused? Me too. But I was in no mood to call her back and specially in no mood of romance. Anyway she will be in a good mood after some time, as she got one more promotion in the same month. One more reason why girls are in better position.

           I opened the door and threw my bag at one corner. There was no light, so I have to search for the candle and I knew exactly were it was. This was a joke. Anyway after 5-10 minutes of struggle, the bulb in my head burnt and I thought of using the light in my mobile, I found the candle and the match box too. A pale yellow light came out of the head of the candle. I started changing my clothes or you can say started removing my clothes. Shirt went in one corner and jeans in the other. I was about to search my shorts and t-shirt in candle light but electric department showed some sympathy and the tube blinked. Finally I was ready to do the best job in the world, sleep. Two continues beeps in my phone attracted me, first message. It was Anu, again.  Message text was ‘I am still angry and you ignored me…you don’t care for me…don’t reply…bye’

Did I ignore her? I thought of asking her, which will finally convert into a fight, so as she said, this time I ignored her. She will be alright in the morning, I ignored the message too, and anyway she only had said not to reply. Second message, my boss, ‘Please come early tomorrow, we have a client meeting’ I ignored this one too, for the time being of course. After setting up the alarm in my cell phone, I simply went and put off my blinking tube.

 Zzz..Zzz…zz..z..

          Without looking into the cell, I pressed the middle button of it to stop the roaring alarm. It was 7 and as usual I was feeling that I need more sleep. But message was still in my mind. Not the one from Anurag, but from my boss. I cursed the client for that meeting and cursed my boss for that message. I had to leave the bed now, I thought. There is hell lot of difference in thinking and doing. I just thought, didn’t do it. Cell started buzzing again. It was 7:15 alarm. I know myself very well. Second alarm was the proof. This time same procedure got repeated, only difference was that I was sitting this time instead of lying on the bed. My body was giving strange signals. Yesterday’s hectic schedule was giving result. I need to go to the bathroom to end this laziness and heaviness and strangeness. I stood up, stretched my body, took a deep breath and started walking towards the bathroom, which is not too far from my bed. In between I saw a beautiful girl and a calendar on the wall, but I didn’t have much time to stare the girl. I, kind of rushed in bathroom.

‘What the helllllllllllllllllllllllllllll…………’ a scream automatically broke out from my throat.

‘It can’t be…it can’t be’

‘I am sleeping’

‘I am still sleeping…this is a dream…horrible dream’ I kept shouting.

I banged my head on the wall. I pinched myself just to hurt, not to wake up.

‘Noooooooooooooooooooo…’ within a minute I rushed back. There was no poster of any girl on any of my walls, it was mirror. I checked again and again all the proofs which made me a boy, none of them was there. Heart started beating faster and then started becoming slower, as if it will stop. I looked up in the mirror, touched my face, it was no more mine, it became someone else’s. I was no more a boy, I was a girl. I stood still; there was no movement in my body. Tears started floating my eyes. At least I can cry now. I took the mirror out and sat in a corner weeping and sobbing, checking myself again and again. There was no other sound except my sobs. Phone started ringing; I ignored and ducked my head in my hand. I can’t see myself as a girl. Phone started ringing again. I slowly stood up, it was my boss. Now there were more issues apart from being a girl. What the hell I will tell him? How will I go to office now? How will I attend the client meeting? What is this all happening? Why this is happening? All this questions started spinning in my mind, none of the answers. What had happen in a night? Where is my body? Whose body is this? Who did this? How can someone or how can anyone do this?

        Suddenly I remembered the beggar, I met while coming home. Yes, he told me that what if I become a girl. He told me to come back after 10 days. Yes, he was the one who did this. But I didn’t even touch him. I didn’t even tell him to do this. I will kill him. I will definitely kill him. I ran out, to find him. I ran out as if I was running to save my life. Of course I was running for the same reason. Being a boy is my life and being a girl was death. I was dying and was running for my life. Hardly in 10 minutes I was just in front of the shop, the same shop where I saw him last night. Shop was open. He was not there. I felt like crying again. What should I do now? Where should I find him? I looked at the shopkeeper, with salt water filled eyes. His half mouth was opened, and his eyes were on me as if I was a model standing half naked and he was trying to get a glimpse of whatever he can. I looked at myself what was wrong and then only I recollected, realized that I was no more a boy, I was a girl, who was currently in a t-shirt and shorts. My thought of a female model was matching with reality. Now there was no time to cry on the first problem, there were more in line. I slowly turned up and started walking towards my house. Another stall came in the way. People standing and eating, standing remained as it is but eating stopped, staring started. First time in my life I felt shivering of legs. It was totally a new experience. I was walking head down, but also looking at them with corner of my eyes, ready to run. Many times I had tea on the same stall, but never noticed the people coming on this stall were so dangerous and ugly by nature. I was one of them.

Everyday I walk to this road, but not a single person bothered to look at me neither did I. Today it was different, each and every guy was staring me as if they will eat me in one go. I felt like a lamb in the fleet of tigers. After all now I was a girl that too a beautiful one. First time in my life I was worried about myself. Once I loved beautiful girls. Now I hate. I loved the curves. Now I hate. I loved them wearing lesser clothes. Now I hate. I loved staring. Now I hate. I never thought of my body the way I am feeling now, protective.

I started walking faster. I forgot that I was depressed, only thing I remembered that I am a girl now and I can’t help it. I came back to my room. Thankfully I stay alone so at least this place was safe.  I jumped on the bed as if my girlfriend, in this case boyfriend, has ditched me. Switched off my cell phone. Covered my face with a pillow. Even I don’t know when I was asleep.

         It was 2:53 in my watch, when I woke up. Checked myself again in hope that I will get my body back, but this time sleeping didn’t change anything. It made me more insane. What a tragedy? I thought, the body we always wanted to touch, now was with me and I was hating it.

         I stood up and went to the window. In the corner of the street I saw someone trying to hide himself. First I thought it was a thief but by looking more closely I found he was a beggar. ‘Is he the same one who had made my life hell?’ I asked myself. ‘No, he is not’ answered myself. I kept my eyes on him in curiosity to know why he was behaving this way. After few minutes, by confirming that no one was looking at him, he opened his torn bag and brought a pair of cloths and also some cotton. He than took a bottle of water and started cleaning himself. I kept looking how expert he was and when some time has passed, he was completely a different person, not at all any beggar. He put all the old and dirty clothes bag in a new bag, which was also in the old one. He walked the lane and slowly disappeared from my sight. What the hell was that, I thought. Now a day you can’t trust anyone, I decide not to give any money to these frauds. They just use their looks to earn and we fool trust them as hell. ‘I thought only girls use their looks…’ I said to myself but incomplete. ‘Girls use their looks’ I repeated. ‘Girls use their looks’ I repeated again and again. The idea was here. I discarded the word fraud and used only the word earn. ‘They are not frauds, they are smart’ I fuzzed. ‘And there is nothing wrong in being smart’ I added.  Finally I convinced myself, what else I can do? There was no more sign of me. It was completely changed in she, now she means me and me means she. She? What she? ‘I should name her…oops myself’, I thought. ‘Namita…my first crush’, ‘no no not good, I mean she was good but the name is bit old.’ ‘shivani…second one’, ‘looks like a goddess, cancel’ ‘anurag…latest’ ‘people will think it’s a boy, cross’ ‘anu…her pet name which was introduced by me of course’ ‘hmm…not bad, in fact okay…done’. ‘Miss Anu’ I repeated to myself.  Now second thing I had to do was to buy some cloths for myself and some makeup too. That I will ask Anu what to use and what to not. Now problem was how to meet Anu? I thought I will call her and tell what happened last night. This is the only way I can share my pain to anyone and she is the one I can trust, I think so, not sure though. I picked up my cell phone, which was off, turned it on. And a series of messages started pouring in. it took few minutes to halt the beep. There were numerous messages from my boss and few were from anu too, I just pressed the back button and decided to read it later. I dialed her number, the first ring itself phone got picked up.

‘Where the hell were you?’ she shouted without even listening to my ‘hello’.

‘Dare you switched off your phone again’

‘You san of a rat, don’t you think how much people get tensed’

‘No…why the hell you would think about us? Who are we?’

‘You just go to hell and don’t even try to call me back.’ She was about to cut the call and I shouted, ‘at least listen…’

There was no sound for few seconds, I checked if the phone was already cut, but it was not. I gulped my saliva to make my throat wet and said again, ‘you there?’

‘Who are you?’ immediately she replied, bit worried and bit angry, mixed reaction.

But this does not made me worried, instead her question worried me. I tried to answer,

‘I am…I am…’ my brain was running with full power but now it was a girls brain so response time has automatically decreased.

‘Where is akash?’ she shot one more question.

‘Listen, I will explain you everything, can we meet?’ finally I was getting back to my command.

‘Where is akash?’ I want to talk to him.’ She repeated the question.

‘Akash is fine, don’t worry, you meet me I will explain you all’ I again tried to convince her.

‘Who are you and how did you get his phone?’ she asked same question again.

Girls are girls. I knew she would never talk ahead unless she gets an answer. I hate her for this, but I was left with no other choice, but to answer her.

‘I found this phone on the road’ I told her without even thinking.

‘Oh god…oh no…did he met any accident? Please tell me in which hospital he is.’ Saying this she started crying and I started getting frustrated. Can’t she think something positive?

‘Please tell me he is alive…please’ she said slowly sobbing.

‘Shut up idiot’ I shouted. ‘I am…I mean he is fine, you will die but he will not’ I said and smiled on my words.

‘How dare you talk to me like this? Who the hell are you? Just give the phone to akash, I want to talk to him…now’ now there was no sign of sorrow, it was all sentences of arrow. Oh god! Give me some strength to handle this woman. I prayed to god and finally told her, ‘that’s it…if you want to know about akash, come at the same restaurant where you always meet me…I mean akash. Sharp at 6’ I hung up the phone.

     One difficult task was over. I wore one of my loose t-shirt and struggled to find any jeans as now my size was no more 32, it would be around 26 or something, a big 6 inches difference. Finally I decided to put on one of them with a use of a leather belt. It looked funny but I had no other choice. I left my room putting on my sports shoes.

‘Who are you?’ someone shouted from behind. I hate this question. I turned around just to find my owner standing on her door.

‘I asked who are you?’ this time the voice was much louder, and I didn’t want to create a scene over here. ‘Aunty, it’s me aka…anu…no tanu…tanu….I am tanu’ finally I completed the sentence.

‘Who tanu? And what are you doing here? Where is akash?’ she continued shouting. I know girls are prohibited in this building but what if a boy itself turns into a girl.

‘Don’t you know girls are not allowed here? Where is this boy? This will not happen here. I will throw him out. Call him’ she was in no mood listen and I was in no mood to explain. She kept shouting and I kept walking. In the background there was sound like, ‘hey listen…listen you girl…’ finally no sound as I walked further. The only change was that now my name was tanu not anu.

       I reached the restaurant, leaving few people admiring of my beauty and few people laughing on my dressing sense. She was already there, the corner table, her favorite. I found some people staring at me but I ignored and headed directly towards her.

‘Hi’ I said reaching the table. She didn’t reply. I sat in front of her and gave a smile.

‘Hi…I am tanu, you don’t know me but I know you very well.’ I started.

‘Where is akash?’ she was still stuck on her previous questions. I was very confused whether to tell the truth or to tell a story. Both are having positives and negatives. If at all she doesn’t believe to my truth, for which I am 99% sure, than it would be much more trouble for me and after that no story will work. But if I make a story, the chances are she will get convinced and if not stories can be modified accordingly. So I decided not to tell the truth but to make a story, a good one indeed.

‘Akash is not in the town. I am his cousin sister’ I started building it.

‘Then where is he? He never told about any sister’ she inquired.

‘Believe me I am not his girlfriend, I am his sister’ I cursed myself for using such a stupid line.

‘I am not at all interested in your relation with him. I will talk to him directly. Where is he?’ her tone was like if she gets me I will have all finger prints on my cheek.

‘Suddenly he had to travel to his hometown, some family issues, which I can not tell you’ I added immediately to cover my stupidity. Her expression was as clear as water, no sign of agreement.

‘He left his phone with me and also told to meet you and take your help’ I added.

‘Help? What help?’

‘I need to buy some cloths and need a place to stay for at least 10 days’ I said her in one go without even taking a single breath.

‘Please don’t say no. I am sister of your boyfriend, you should in fact try to impress me’ I myself gave my head under the hammer by calling myself her boyfriend. She smiled.

‘Did he say that?’ she asked.

‘No’ is what I wanted to say but ‘yes’ was the word that came out.

‘So when are we going for shopping?’ she smiled again.

‘Now’ I winked.

Next moment we were wondering in some of the shops and malls. I should make a correction, I was wondering and she was enjoying. On many occasions I tried to select few clothes but she denied me saying we should check out some other shops too. I hate you, I wanted to say to her but I had few choices, in fact no other choice. I had wasted two full hours and still was roaming in a pair of extra loose jeans and extra baggy t-shirt. Finally the search ended shoppers stop with five extra costly t-shirts, tops she called and 3 pairs of jeans, billed amount ten thousand one hundred and ninety nine, I fainted for a fraction of time and cursed the moment on which I asked her for shopping.

‘Mam, this is somebody else’s card’ the person sitting on the billing counter said in a monotone.

‘Hell’ came out of mouth. Why can’t I think of these issues earlier? Before I can think of something to say, she shouted,

‘This is his card’

‘Hell’ again, There goes one more.

‘This is his wallet too’ she added

‘You are wearing his jeans and t-shirt’ one more addition.

I looked at the person on the counter, he was continuously staring at her, maybe he was in a state of shock, finally he turned towards me and only thing I was able to do was to show him my front four teeth.  

Next moment I was standing in front of her in a corner holding all the clothes in my hand.

‘He forgot his wallet, later he called me and asked me to use it’ I had manipulated the story again.

She was showing no sign of agreement again.

‘And it was so urgent that I almost came naked’ I added without even giving a second thought to what I was saying.

‘On my god, how can you talk like this, you are a girl’ she said. I saw her ears turning red just hearing the word ‘naked’. I wanted to say that I was not born as a girl you idiot but this was not a time for showing my sense of humor.

‘So you mean to say that you have to buy everything that a girl needs?’ this was the first sensible question asked by her in last three hours.

‘Gotcha…I mean yes’ I added instantly.

‘They will not accept his card so who will pay?’ second sensible question.

Again only thing I was able to do was to show my front four teeth.

I bought everything, everything means everything and the best part, all the boys in this world can only dream about it, she paid, holy cow, I almost fainted with joy seeing her card getting swiped for my shopping.

to be continued...