psycho in me

tak tak tak tak tak.....was the only sound coming apart from the tik tik of the wall clock. 11:47 Friday night and i was slicing onions. dinner was far away as i spent whole evening staring to the email which said 'Its over'.

i touched the blood, warm it was, it started flowing towards my wrist. i felt a strange pleasure filling my heart. a voice in my head said, 'its not over' and i knew what i wanted. i wanted more.wall clock was still ticking. i could count single second passing. there was no other sound but heaving of my lungs.

i looked at the twinkle of light on blade of the knife, marvelous it was. i could feel its reflection in my lenses. i closed my eyes and felt it, adrenal rushed through my veins as i cut through myself, smile appeared, i did not need a mirror to see myself smiling, i felt it from my soul. i opened my eyes and there was a miraculous scene of red. enough of small little fingers, i needed a higher dose, greater smile, more pleasant scenery for my eyes.

In a stroke i chopped off two of my fingers, a shiver ran, whole body became numb, i couldn't feel anything, not even pain. blood started dripping off the kitchen platform. eyes still staring the separated piece of slow moving meat of my own. where was the rush? where was the smile? and when i heard those same words, i knew what was to be done. with a single stroke i pushed half of the blade into my thigh, blood came out like a fountain, dark red liquid coloring the pool. and it appeared, yet again, the smile, the satisfaction. more and more smile covered my mind as more and more blood colored the floor.

i thought of plucking out my eye, but then i wanted to see the blood so i dropped the idea, instead cut my left ear so that blood could cover my still clean face.'its not over' i stuck the blade to my chest and handle to the kitchen wall and pushed myself on it, cutting open a four inch wound, i made it wider by chopping off the flesh, i could hear it now, heart pumping, dup dup dup dup dup dup...'
holy mother of cow' i stood back, alarm was still beeping. i was drenched in sweat. i checked all my intact fingers and repeated 'holy mother of cow'.

Later when i returned back from the office. an unread mail was waiting for me. subject line said 'its over'. i threw a glance in the kitchen, there was an onion kept beside the knife, waiting.      

'Its over?' millions of thoughts hovering. more than 5 years, thousands of memories, and just a mail saying 'its over'. i gulped the last sip and came into the kitchen.every slice i cut, my mind repeated 'its over...its over...its over' and next moment a jet stream of red viscus liquid broke from my finger. in few minutes, half of the board became red. a smile appeared on my face. i could feel it. the more blood i saw, more i smiled. 'its not over yet' then it stopped.