When you are in love and i have a stump !!

I looked at my brother, opposite to me on a wooden bench parallel to the pale washed wall of police station. beside me was a wooden door and a constable watching to infinity across the wall. smell, mixed of sweat, wet cloths has covered the room, but smell of stress was overplaying it. I could hear shouting and screaming within intervals behind the door. we flinched on each scream but expressions of the constable were constant, never changing.

'I am going to kill myself' he had said to me. I looked away, ground was empty. no sign of wind, dust had settled, we sat near the stumps. i had put cricket bat in my lap, admiring it. but these words of him was making me uneasy in myself. we were no kids anymore. nobody kills in the name of love unless its love of his own greater God. I had said nothing. his rants never stopped.

Many a times i thought of telling him that its end of love and not the end of life. She doesn't even care, its totally visible. a man with a self respect would pick those signs and step aside leaving her with what she wants and that she is happy without you and doesn't have to go through the pain of explaining it. He wont understand so i just let him be.

We were called inside. with a increased heartbeat, i stepped in. My brother followed. Inspector offered us chair opposite the table he was sitting. Table was full of lose papers, few ball point pens, several, envelops and some tea glasses. But all my focus was on the wooden stick, well polished, kept at the corner of the table. he looked at me with his small but sharp eyes.

'which one of you did this?' an husky voice from inside a lean but strong looking body hit our eardrums. my brother looked at me. it was enough for the inspector to focus on me. His continuous stare was equivalent of him saying 'start speaking'

'There is no other way than killing myself' he had said again. I stood up and told him 'thats enough' i plucked the stump out of the ground, 'stop behaving like a B grade movie hero, you are not'. he looked up to me. 'you will never know that feeling. for that you have believe in love, you have to fall in love, you have to experience it yourself what i am going through' he said getting himself up. sometimes i doubt my ability to make friends who are not cry babies. 'thats enough' i repeated but he didnt and i had the stump.

I walked him home and pushed him slowly inside his door. he cried in pain but it didnt affect me. his left hand was swollen from the elbow. His father came from inside and asked me what had happened. i lied, not about the incident, but about the reason. he told me to do so. Parents are always kept out of love stories. they find it funny, which by the way they are.

I looked back to the inspector, still staring me. I felt a giggle from outside the door and imagined the constable laughing. 'There is no FIR, just thought of warning you of your violent streak' inspector said writing down something on a piece of paper. 'Go now'

We both stood up and came out. Constable giggled back at me. My brother laughed and there was another laugh across the door, a husky laugh. I walked out of the police station and behind the curtains of my newly grown beard, which of course i have grown because of the same reason my friend got hit by the stumps, I smiled.    

Happy Birthday Mom !!

This time its not me. Post is completely dedicated to my lovely mom on her birthday. But its not me who has written this. i am no good at all in writing poems. rhymes are way out of my league. Its her younger one this time.

I am posting this on behalf of my little brother Rohit, who has written this lovely write-up as a gift to our mom.

वो तेरा बैठ के इंग्लीश पढ़ाना

ना पढ़ने पे वो तेरा डाँट लगाना

अक्सर रातों मे मेरा बीमार होना

मेरी चिंता मे तेरा ना सोना

सब कुछ मुझे अभी भी याद है

मा तू पहले बाकी सब बाद है

तू तो सब जानती है मा

मुझसे ज़ादा, मुझे पहचानती है मा

भूक तो आज भी मिट जाती है

पर खाने मे वो प्यार ना है

नींद तो आज भी आती है

पर साथ तेरा दुलार ना है

तू तो सब जानती है मा

मुझसे ज़ादा, मुझे पहचानती है मा

चाहता हूँ हर खुशी देना तुझे

पर ज़िंदगी की दौड़ मे मजबूर हूँ

चाहता हूँ तेरे साथ रहूं, तेरी मदद करूँ

पर क्या करूँ बहोत दूर हूँ

तू तो सब जानती है मा

मुझसे ज़ादा, मुझे पहचानती है मा

लिखना आता नही, पर तेरे लिए कोशिश की है

आभार भगवान, जो तेरे जैसी मा दी है

कभी ये कहा नही, आज तुझे बताता हूँ

गम भूल जाता हूँ जब पास तुझे पाता हूँ

हमारे लिए अपने गमों को छुपति है

मा तू हमारे दिलो-जान मे समाती है

तू तो सब जानती है मा

मुझसे ज़ादा, मुझे पहचानती है मा

Wish you a very happy birthday Mom !!

Let there be more count !!

Day light saving is on and soon after that, a notice was circulated in office that people are allowed to wear jeans. A sigh of relief for people like us who hate formal wears. Those loose trousers and full sleeves shirts make you feel trapped in our own body. We are no Dads already. For that matter I am not even married to be carrying those formally dressed fully shaved look.

So we could wear jeans in office now. daily shaving is still there but yeah, manageable, those beautiful gori gori clients should not get scared while you are in middle of a presentation and smile at them, so yeah shaving was must.

Why these thoughts? Well today after the shower I realized that announcement was made on Friday, 14th November and today its already 2nd of December.  You must be thinking what a big deal. Time never stops for anyone. Life is journey which always travels towards the future and days are like old old grandmas and grandpas, they always pass, well that was lame. But that's not the point. 19 days were already passed till the announcement, what the point is, for those 19 days I am wearing the same bloody jeans. 

I couldn't recollect any other trouser, pajama, shorts which i would have wore in last 19 days. In fact, to tell the truth, I, even have been sleeping in those pair of blues. Under wears came and went, but the jeans, here in front of me, lying on my bed, looking at me with eyes full of love. and this was not because I was in towel. It was true love above all physical and sexual desire.

I looked closely and found it pure like kinley. Let the world talk about the spots in moon. They are the one who find fault in Lord Rama as well. Let the world say 'aaj fir se vahi jeans' they cant see whats there within, I mean the warmth.

Let there be light, this line was just like that as while wearing the jeans nothing else came up in my mind. There was a time i used to count my days far away from India, but this is more thrilling. 

19 days already...let there be more count...

NOTE: For people who know my Mom...if at all she came to know...tumhari khair nhi saalon !!

Wi-Fi

On the way to her friend's home for her birthday my wife asked me why she is always so much interested in you? Some times I find it hard to understand whether she is my friend or yours.
'Oh common, don't be jealous of your own friend, I have met her only once and you know that people get impressed by me in a blink'


'haha...sometimes you are so funny' she said and I took a breath of relief. You never know when this female gender can turn the environment into global warming disasters.

'Are you sure, you have met her only once?' holy crap. I know girls can be insecure about their husbands, specially if he is smart and handsome (take it guys... take it) but this was already increasing heat.

A tiny drop of sweat passed behind my ear towards the neck. Thanks to my long Rambo type hair, it went unnoticed.
'Yes quite sure, at your office trip'
'I thought so. So this would be your second meeting with her. lets see how see reacts to see her crush'
'haha...I take it as a compliment'
'We will see'

She picked up my phone and started browsing it. Another drop ran by my ear. Though it was very normal for her to do so but today it was different. I prayed to almighty hoping for a clean phone, I told myself not to worry and keep calm.

We were already in basement of her friend's apartment. While in the lift I wanted to tell her to be normal, more than her I wanted myself to be normal.
She rang the doorbell. Beautiful as always, her friend opened the door.

'Hey darling' she shouted. I made sure I was not in the way of the word 'darling' and it was directed to my wife.

She turned to me and said, 'it was for you' and before I could react, she showed my phone to me 'Wi-Fi connected'.  
  

wonder what was the story behind !!

it was an usual morning. over crowded airoli-borivali bus number 123. smell of ocean's rotten water mixed with smell of sweat of people occupying the minimum space required for their shapes. bus conductor very comfortably making space for himself in between nearly impossible gaps. all these were so incredible yet so ordinary in a person's life who is a regular commuter of BEST buses in the city of Mumbai. 

headphones stuck almost touching my eardrums, D K Bose song playing in loop to the maximum capacity in cellphone, i was on my way to the office. every now and then throwing a glance on my cheapest fast-track watch, not to see the time but to think of a new excuse to give on the question 'why are you late today? again!' i myself was pissed on the same old truth of traffic conditions, day by day worsening to the limits.

lady beside me stood up and three of them standing on the aisle blocked the way not to stop her but to occupy the seat. somehow she walked out and disappeared in the crowd, i was forced to slide towards the window so that people struggling to find the seat could sit, at least one of them.
seat was not empty, there was a book. title 'what the hell'. i myself was a reader but never had heard of this book, well no one could possibly know all the books, specially if they are published to compete with the growth of mushrooms. i picked it up and unplugged my earphones to concentrate more on the book.
first page:

it was handwritten. 'To the only person who is the inspiration behind this book, its not a book, its our story'
quite clear the book was a gift from the author himself. There was a line, again hand written in a different handwriting.

'leaving this in a crowded bus, no one will ever know that the book was written on me, for me. I am sorry'
i realized that the lady was in fact not reading but writing on the first page of the book. bus was already moving, she was already gone. last stop which crossed was kandivali. i was still there, holding the book in my hand, wondering what might be the story behind it...!!   

eh?

She ordered two cups of coffee and turned to me, ‘It’s after long time that we both are meeting and none of your friends are here to disturb’ she said. I just smiled and shook my head in agreement.

‘I was really thrilled when I saw your message that you wanted to meet me’ she added and I just kept smiling. ‘I like your smile’ she said and the smile which I had maintained, vanished. ‘No more smile’ my brain shouted.

I heard my mind and prepared myself for the task which I had promised my friend. Before I could start a conversation from my end, she said again, ‘Is everything alright? I mean you are you so silent?’

‘Oh yes, I am fine…it’s just that I wanted to tell you something but I don’t know how to start it…I am afraid how you might take it’ I said.

She smiled and kept her hand on my hand, ‘weird’ I thought. ‘You can tell me anything’ she said. ‘Okay, then here it goes’ I thought and started,

‘You are a good friend of mine. So thought that it would be better if I talk to you about it first and then we can come on any further conclusion’ I stopped to look at her reactions. She was smiling or blushing or both, it was hard to guess. ‘Weird’ I thought. Ignoring her, I thought I should directly come to the point, I started,

‘See, there is this guy and he likes you very much but is afraid of telling directly to you, for obvious reasons…so….’ Before I could end the sentence, she said,

‘I know; I know this guy and I think he is real cute, even I like him very much and I also know that the guy is present in this cafe’

‘eh?’ was my reply. Then I saw my friend sitting at the far corner.

Flashback

‘I know you are the only one who would be able to do this for me’ he said passing the glass of tea to me. He is my friend and I know him from the time when we use to wear half pants in school.

‘I love her so much yaar and thanks to lord hanuman that she is a good friend of yours’. He was praying lord Hanuman, for a girl, forgetting that Lord himself was a brahmchari, funny I thought. ‘You just have to talk to her and convey the message, I will handle there after’ he said.

‘Please yaar, after all you are my best friend’ he showed all his yellowish teeth to me, which left no choice but to agree.

‘Okay okay, I will do it, but yes or no is totally her choice, I will just inform about you, that’s it’ I said. He was so happy that he threw himself on me to hug me. I took my cell phone and messaged to her, ‘Hey hi, how r u? Are you free this evening, need to talk about something’ there was an instant reply with the time and venue, which made him jump almost a feet in air. ‘I will also come, but not with you’ he said.

‘Eh?’ was my reply.

Back to current

 I was surprised and also happy that whatever complications, we thought would occur, none of those happened. I was going to stretch my hand to congratulate her but stopped myself as she said,

‘You don’t need to make it round and round to tell me something, you can directly say, but I loved the way you have put all this things in place, I really liked it.’ I smiled in agreement.

‘I may also do the same, telling that a friend of mine likes you very much but that will be a bit repetitive now, so here it goes, even I like you very much and always wanted to tell you but your friends made it difficult and whenever I tried to talk to you they will interfere, specially the one with long hair’. She was talking about him, the one for whom I was playing messenger.

‘But today all my wishes have come true, you yourself said what I wanted to tell you, I love you too’ she said, and I was like,

‘Eh?’

......... 

It's a fiction...

Standing in the balcony he does not seems to be in present, not sure what was bothering him but only change I was able to see in him was, nowadays he is less on phone and more on laptop, writing something. Yes, there were days that we were not even aware, when he comes to sleep; we just knew that he is in the balcony talking to someone on phone.

He came inside, opened his laptop and started writing again, I don’t know what, and I felt real curious.

‘What you keep on writing?’ I asked him trying not to show my extra curiosity.

‘Just some stuff’ he replied, very normal.

‘May I have a look? May be you are turning to a writer or something’ I said.

He smiled and passed the laptop to me, meanwhile he went again in balcony, and I stared reading it,

‘If you are still a part of my life, I am sure you are. Knowing you for so long, I know what you are doing right now, what you are feeling right now. Are you in same state of mind, I am sure you are. Those years went like a shooting star, those moments flew like a blowing wind, those seasons passed like a flowing current, I know happy moments are like a flash. A horse which changes its course, Time is like that running horse. Are you able to relate to my thoughts, I am sure you are. We knew this is coming, we knew this is running, we knew for sure that life is cunning, we knew our in, we knew our out, we knew that we going to face this sprout. It came early, reasons doesn’t matter, matters the course, course of the running horse, the time, the source. If you think I was capable of changing its course, I guess now is the time you know and I am sure you know. I am not the one riding.’

I was touched; I kept the laptop aside and went in the balcony.

‘I guess you are in love my friend’

He looked at me and said, ‘there is nothing like Love in this world, all are situations, which are tend to change some or the other day’

I had no words to say, in fact, arguably, he was correct too. To avoid the silence between us, I said, ‘you have nicely written your feelings’

He smiled and said, ‘well, that’s a fiction’

I was surprised but replied saying, ‘if you say so, I believe you, that it’s a fiction’

no one to listen !!

It was the same famous Z Bridge of Pune. He realized once he was there, she was sitting behind him and just they were off the road for a long drive, no particular destination to be reached, journeying itself was destination. He stopped the bike and parked in the end corner of the bridge. Both side of the bridge was full with people, especially couples. The only place left untouched was the end corner; they stood near the railing and felt the cool breeze coming through the river flowing down.

‘So what is for me?’ she asked smiling, she knows he never bought anything for her, so the tactic was to buy and ask him to pay. But today she behaved different asking for a gift. He was clueless what to respond. He just smiled and said, ‘you know better’ that means he don’t have anything.

She sat down with a look of disappointment on her face.  And the boy followed and there was a silence for few minutes. ‘You know I will be leaving you after few days’ she said slowly, with tears floating in her eyes. Before he can say anything, she added, ‘still you didn’t bother to bring something for me? At least give me something which I can keep with me.’ A drop of tear rolled down from her pale white skin.

‘Let me check your bag, definitely there will be something’ he just loved the way her mood swings, all emotions at the same time. Before he can even smile at things, his bag was in her hand and she started searching. Fortunately there was a dairy milk chocolate, about which even he was also not aware, may be someone’s birthday return gift in the office. Next moment she was eating it like a small child, not even looking at him; maybe she feared that he will ask for a share.  Tears continuously flowing from her eyes, the boy thought of asking her not to cry but controlled himself and just handed the hanky to her, she took it.

After she was done with the chocolate, she said, ‘Next time bring a rose for me’, he smiled. ‘I know you will not bring, still I am just doing my part’ she added. ‘I will’ he said. She smiled.

She stood up and gave a hand to him, he grabbed it. They took a small walk on the bridge. It was 8:17 in watch and we were late. ‘Let’s go home, your sister might start worrying about you’ he said.

‘You don’t like spending time with me, isn’t it?’ she immediately replied and started walking towards the bike. He had no choice but to follow. She was standing near the bike, gazing at the ground, he never told her but has always loved her expressive nature, it is full of truth.

‘It is fine if you want to spend more time here’ he said to her. ‘No, we should go now, my sister will be worrying’ she repeated his sentence. He dropped her in front of the colony; she had not spoken a single word throughout the way. As soon as bike stopped, she got down and started walking towards the gate. He was looking at her going away, she stopped, turned back, came to him and kissed on his cheek and said, ‘I love you’ and walked back inside.

                                   

He knew he will never see her again but he stood there for few seconds thinking whether to reply or not, it does not matter now as there was no one to listen…